I just got the nicest note from an old friend. Thanks, Q- it was very sweet of you to post and remind me of those calm, halcyon days before the second child burst into our lives. I think the peanut joined our family in part to help remind me of what is important. Unfortunately, I had to let some things go, because I was already spread too thin before he even came along. One of the things I had to let go was casual internet time. I have my haunts, but I just can't do all the fun stuff I used to do online- I've scaled back to visiting just one forum with compusive regularity, and I do most of my interacting with people through facebook. Who knew all those old friends would ever come back into my life? Not me. A pleasant, albeit shocking, surprise. Anyway, if you want to friend me on facebook, just drop me a line here and I'll try to find you, or give you my name so you can find me.
I definitely miss the blogging. I barely have time to read blogs these days, but I have a few I follow on RSS. Thank goodness for that.
I've come to this place where every thing I do has to be preceeded by a quick evaluation: is this activity good for me, for my family or for my dissertation? If the answer is no, then I have to guiltily walk away. This is a good, if painful exercise. It means I can't spend hours cruising my favorite forums, or aimlessly reading people's blog archives. It also means I can't spend my time window shopping on overstock.com or any of my other secret pleasures. At lunch I give myself 20 minutes to watch videos on youtube, then it's back to business. I find those diversions lead to other diversions, so it's best if I just avoid all together rather than try to ration myself to a certain amount of time each day. I miss it, but I'm reaching for a higher goal now, and the end is in sight.
Yes, the end. I finally finished chapter 4, after two whole damn months of writing and analyzing the data. It was sooooo painful. There were days when I felt like I couldn't see straight for all the time I was spending in my brain. But I made it through, and now I'm in the part where I'm cleaning up stuff and getting ready for the next dissertation-birth contraction: chapter 5. discussion. I really understand now when people talk about writing a dissertation being akin to giving birth. It just takes a hell of a lot longer and doesn't give you stretch marks. Although, I may end up with stretch marks if I keep eating nestle's semisweet chocolate morsels like I've been doing. (When you get rid of almost all the chocolate in the house, you make do with whatever you can. At least I'm not eating the lentil's chocolate coins that he gets in the mail from his granny. yet.)
So that's my life- some of it is just too wierd and painful and obnoxiously normal to discuss (the peanut: does requiring speech therapy = special needs? discuss), and some of it is just too overwhelming (me: university tenure track faculty- how is that possible? discuss.)
All I can really say is that I'm spending all my free time visualizing myself as a university professor, getting this job I actually realize I want, and thinking good thoughts. If you get a chance to swing a few positive job vibes my way, (like you have any to share), please do. I'll reciprocate, if you leave me a note.
I'll be back, but probably not until after chapter 5 is done. Just so you know. And I was serious about the facebook thing and the whole power of positive thinking thing. I'm so "The Secret."
