Now that I'm actually paid to do this, it's hard for me to stay focused on the goals. What are my goals? Simple, I suppose- tenure, which means I have my 3-year review (they call is CODE-3, which makes it sound supersecretveryimportant), and then my tenure review at 6 years. Between now and then I have to generate a certain number of manuscripts, do some new research, teach some, and be involved in university committees. It seems doable, but that six year timeline makes it seem a bit abstract at times.
It doesn't help that I'm just not feeling the love on these manuscripts, although I recognize and understand that I really need to pump out at least three of them in the next year. I am trying to think of them as big term papers, but hey! I used to procrastinate those too.
Other key events:
The lentil is now 5 years old and going through something. This is the first time in my parenting life where my kid is not an open book to me, and I can't read his every thought. I can't solve his every problem. I don't like feeling this helpless. We suspect he's feeling resentful about having a little brother, but we just can't tell for certain. It's very hard to be in this position, because I want so much for him to be happy. I tried the overlove thing with him this weekend- giving him tons of attention and special one-on-one time, but that didn't change the fact that he was whining and crying at every turn. He's definitely not talking to us. I hate this. I'm in the process of making a meeting with his teachers, to see if they have any advice. After all, they're the experts on five-year-olds, we hope. at least.
The peanut is also doing this cranky whiny thing, but his is alternating with being absolutely charming. He's a cutie, but totally infuriating. And while he had some speech issues when he was newly talking, he's now far beyond his age with verbal ability, so I have learned that I need to stop being such a worrywart and expect that the kids are fine and healthy.
I'm trying to get back into the rhythm of writing full blog posts, but honestly? my brain thinks in facebook feeds these days. but I'm trying.
